Blog Series: Love Letters

Welcome to my new Love Letters blog series. Another blog series with no set posting schedule; for sharing as I am able. These are real, actual letters I have written over the years; the first number of posts are actually over the course of a few months to the only person I've ever fell in love with at first sight; yes I believe in love at first sight and true, endless, romantic love. You can call me a dreamer...love is real. I have done my best to hide any indication of real people and/or places to maintain the privacy of other people. I doubt she'll be reading this anyway & that most of you will not have an indication as to the recipient(s). Enjoy.

"September 2nd, xxxx

Hello my Love. I just finished talking to you on the phone and it's only been hours since I saw you last and already my heart is heavy with sorrow. It feels as though a thousand years have passed and that thousands more await me before I can see your pretty face again. I feel so very lost here without you. I feel so incomplete. I'm not sure I can do this so far away from you. My heart is crying out in anguish and I feel as though I have betrayed myself by leaving. Since my son died I have never been capable of being happy; of being complete; of being myself, yet with you I have regained much of that person I used to be. I can look at myself in the mirror and not hate the person I see staring back at me. I can face each new day with such a feeling of invincibility and perseverance that it's as though there were nothing beyond my reach; everything but you that is. I want to leave right now to come home. That's what you called it; home. I'm not sure if you know just how much that means to me. My heart overflows with joy to think that you consider my home there with you. I cannot begin to explain to you just how touching and emotional this means to me. You are everything I will ever need or desire out of this life or the next. You told me I could come home anytime I wanted and though I am already prepared, there is a reason I am here like there is a reason we have found one another. When I understand my purpose here or when I know that my reason for being here is gone, I will be gone in the same heart beat. Something, the same force which has reunited us and given us this love, has brought me here and I cannot leave until I know what it is I'm doing here. I can only pray that you will have the strength to endure the pain that we both are going through right now, but I also know I don't have to pray because that same force tells me that we will be together. Sometimes I think maybe my purpose in being here is to make us both realize just what we mean to one another; to make us understand and truly appreciate this blessed love we have found in one another. I can only wait to know for sure. I know that it won't be long before we are together again, as brief as it may be, yet my heart longs for the comfort of holding your body against mine. You are the light that shines ahead of me so as to make sure I am not led astray. You are my love, my life, my every desire. I won't be here to finish my xxxxxx, of this I am aware. It's something I think I've known for some time or perhaps it's a decision I made without conscious thought; i don't know. What I do know is that for now, it is here that I must remain, no matter how much I feel my heart is breaking, because that very same heart is telling me I must. The heart does not lie and it will not commit treason against itself. In this respect I know that even though my heart longs for you and that with all my heart I love you, it has brought me here for something and as it brought me here, so it will return me to you so that it may become complete once more. I love you with all my heart and soul and I would gladly give my life for you. You belong to me as I belong to you and there is nothing will keep us apart or stifle our love. This was meant to be; we are meant to be. You can call it what you may but I have to to acknowledge it as fate and you cannot stop fate; nobody can. I miss you so much it hurts but fear not and keep your head held high for it won't be long until we're together again like we belong; like we are meant to be. I love you.

Love,

John"

Next

Canadian 'Justice': You Call This Rehabilitation?

Good morning Cyberspace. It has been some time since I've had the time necessary to sit down and write a blog. To fill you in briefly, my bid for City Council did not end with my election. Although I did manage to garner a respectable 11% of the vote for my District! I am looking forward to 2016 when I will be more prepared and more established for a better result. However, if that is to happen, I have to find a job and that what has spawned this post: my job search.

As some of my readers are already aware, I have a criminal record. I was charged with Driving Under the Influence under the Criminal Code of Canada in 2006 when I was still suffering from my substance abuse addiction. In fact, it was that accident that ultimately set me on my course to overcoming my addiction and raising myself out of the abyss. It was no easy task and not one I could have accomplished without a strong support network of family, friends and community; I truly am fortunate for not every addict I have met along the way has had my good fortune. 

Over the last year, the Harper Conservative majority government passed a crime Omnibus bill. Included, in particular, in this bill was the removal of the official Pardon process for people who have a criminal record into what is called a Suspended Sentence. Although this will be a very general statement, I encourage you to find out more about Suspended Sentences; you can easily Google the information. Basically a Suspended Sentence is just putting your file in a different pile than those with criminal records who have not been given a Suspended Sentence. It is not a Pardon. In fact, anyone who is no longer eligible for a Pardon (such as myself) can NEVER go to the United States because their law does not even recognize the Suspended Sentence. So how does this tie into the blog theme? Let me rant.

You see, I just graduated from my program in Advanced Public Relations and received top honors with an Achievement Award of Excellence for my program for the year. I am very well skilled in my field, even prior to attending the college, but am aware of the obstacles facing a recent graduate when seeking employment; not always the easiest search. With a loss in the election, I must find employment to afford to remain in the great Halifax Regional Municipality; if I don't, it's back to Yarmouth, with my parents, trying to struggle to get by.

Achievement Award of Excellence in Public Relations

So what's my beef? Well, Canada claims it's criminal justice system is based upon rehabilitation and not incarceration; that we work to re-integrate those who've faced troubled times, made bad decisions but are ready, willing and able to get the help needed to return to being active members of society. I call absolute bull shit on the system. It's a lie and it's a sham; I can prove it because I'm living it.

I am having difficulty finding a job in my field because I am inexperienced on paper; I am struggling with getting jobs that I am essentially perfectly qualified for because they require a criminal background check; I cannot get hired for a job that I'm overqualified for that pays above minimum wage (even though my skills, training, experience and education say I should be earning above that) because that requires a criminal background check; I am now back to looking for a job that pays minimum wage, if I'm lucky it's not a three month entry level training wage.

How is this rehabilitation? How is this restorative? In what way is this going to encourage me to remain a productive member of society? I made a mistake; a big one which I have paid dearly for but I paid my dues; I served my time; I paid back my debt to society both morally and legitimately through the legal system. I have remained clean; I have stayed out of trouble; I've committed no crimes; I have followed all the rules and yet, here I sit, writing this.

I want to share something with you, this, what I am facing, this is what turns people back to that lifestyle; this is what keeps criminals, criminals; what keeps the poor living in poverty; what spurs on substance abuse and violence; it is a complete disregard for the humanity of really good and decent people. I want to tell you something, fuck the justice system; I am a GREAT person and I do not deserve to be treated in such a manner. Why is it that I continue to suffer despite having done all that was asked of me to pay for my mistake?

If I declare bankruptcy (regardless of the amount owed, dollars to thousands to millions), my record is clear in five to seven years; five to seven years! I could owe people hundreds of thousands of dollars and opt out on it, declare bankruptcy and regardless of my behavior, in a few years it will be as though it never happened. I understand why we maintain criminal records but this is far too counter-productive to be called rehabilitation. I may not be in jail but I am hardly a free man.

Unless we do something to correct this, every good person who finds themselves in a situation where they have a momentary lapse in judgement and make one poor decision will forever struggle their entire life through unless, through some miracle of chance they are given an opportunity; that's what I'm looking for, my opportunity but the government, the justice system and Stephen Harper obviously do not believe I deserve to  have that. Why doesn't my criminal record become 'silent' or 'ghost' after five to seven years if I remain out of trouble, remain a productive member of society and continue to follow the rules? Why should it be a monkey on my back, regardless of getting a Suspended Sentence, for the entirety of the rest of my existence? Why did I plead guilty? Why did I pay my fine on time? Why did I get help? Why did I bother with any of it when I was just going to be slapped in the face for doing it? If I were the man I was a few years ago, I'd already be off down that dark path again given the difficulties in simply finding a decent paying job; even one I'm highly overqualified for.

So, what are my options? Why should I be forced to work a minimum wage job, live in poverty and struggle every day of my life to make ends meet for a mistake I have long since payed for both figuratively and literally? I'm sharing this so you know because most people who will read this know me and think highly of me and my abilities. I have gained their respect through persistence in good, noble actions and by being respectful of them. I have earned the right to have the freedom to pursue my dreams; my future; my desires; yet I don't.

Rehabilitation? No. Preparation for a life of crime, a life of poverty or a life of struggle. I'm tired of struggling. I have worked extremely hard and faced many trials over the last six years to arrive where I am today. I have fought many battles and come out, scarred, but ahead. I have earned the right to pursue my own happiness regardless of my past mistakes; why then, am I being forced back down into the abyss?