Bad Drivers, Good Driver

Good evening Cyberspace! It's a little late in the evening but I've been having the urge to do some writing lately but every time I've sat down to do it something else has consumed my time. Even now, I am putting off making a very late supper and my stomach is literally (yes Debra, literally) grumbling but I'm inspired to write something so it can wait a few minutes while I share some thoughts. 

First of all, if you do not live in the great Halifax Regional Municipality, I urge you to at least come visit us as we really are wonderful people and this is an amazing place with much to offer. Back to the point, if you don't live here, you're probably unaware that we seem to have a problem with driving here; not very much unlike many other cities. Just this year alone we've had several pedestrian/vehicle accidents and while I am not laying blame entirely on drivers for these incidents, I am pointing out that these accidents occurred.

With this in mind, we are currently being bombarded with what is the second large dumping of snow we've had this winter. Needless to say we've got a few inches down out there and road conditions are less than ideal and visibility at times was terrible. Yet despite all of these things it appears as though some drivers could not even take the simplest of cares while driving their vehicles on the roads tonight.

While waiting for some very late buses to get home, on a small side street, I bore witness to some of the worst and grotesque displays of driver caution that I've seen in a long time. Three such drivers, who might as well have received their licenses from a Cracker Jack box, felt the undying need to tempt fate by travelling well in excess of 60km/hr (~37mph for my non-metric readers) on roads with 4+ inches of snow; they had yet to be plowed after several hours of snowing.

The next two drivers, as well as one of the role models already mentioned, thought it fit to drive on these very same roads with but one hand on the wheel. I'm no driver instructor however I do know that you can control a vehicle a lot more safely with both hands on the wheel; doubly so in bad weather. Meanwhile, somewhere in between all of this, a driver opted to step on the gas while a transit bus was trying to pull out despite still being a full car length behind the bus.

Which leads us to tonight's scariest driver who should be forced to be on Canada's Worst Driver immediately and upon graduation be forced to have a GPS device installed to allow other drivers to know she is on the road. I'm not being sexist here either, it really was a she (the others were a mix of male and female drivers; young and old) and her driving almost compelled me to run down the road to take her license plate number and call her in.

She came down the road with her right turn signal on driving a modest 30km/hr or so and my first thought was that this was finally a safe driver...She stopped about 100m up from the bus stop and so I figured she was (though I didn't know it was a she yet) at her home or whatever. Well, she pulled out again and started cruising down the street, accelerating to just below the speed limit; turn signal still blinking. As she drives by and I look in, I cringe as I see this woman with her phone in her hand, to her ear, one hand loosely flopped atop her steering wheel, head turned to the right, eyes away from the oncoming vehicles and the parked bus. 

I'm just dumbfounded at the level of ignorance here. The danger this woman created for herself and anyone that happened to be near is absolutely ridiculous. BUT! there is a silver lining here and now that I've sufficiently vented my disgust on the matter, I want to share some hope. 

I don't know who is driving the Tiger Patrol mini van tonight (16/Jan/2013, ~8:25pm on South Street near Robie Street) or what the Tiger Patrol is but whoever it is should be given a Driving Safety Medal of some sorts. If one doesn't exist, we need to make one and give it to this person. They are a shining example of smart driving. As they were coming down the street towards a high volume four way intersection with lights, they had a green light facing them.

I happened to be outside smoking at the time, watching traffic (the arrogance of human ignorance amazes me at times) at the intersection when the van drove by. I happened to also be watching the little countdown to the yellow light; it was at two when a car turned right on a red. It was a different red light that caught my attention however, that of the Tiger Patrol applying their breaks and slowing down then coming to a smooth stop at where the white stop line would be underneath the snow as the green light switched over to the yellow. When most drivers I've seen would step on the gas and race the light (regardless of weather), this individual chose the safer, smarter route.

This amazing driver is either getting undeserved praise or their due. To have the awareness and attention to gauge the stopping distance, note the incoming light change in two seconds and properly come to a safe stop is incredible. No skidding, no sliding and no abrupt slamming of the breaks. Just a damn fine driver paying attention to what's going on. Kudos to you. I know that I feel a lot safer, despite the bad drivers out there, knowing you are out there on the road!

Thanks for taking the time to read. I'm sorry if you feel I was too harsh with my commentary but I have made the very arrogant and ignorant mistake of being a bad driver. I was fortunate enough that the only one involved was myself but this is most often not the case. Please, slow down out there; for yourself, for other drivers and for pedestrians (and pedestrians, don't forget how bad the roads are, you have the added responsibility of knowing that vehicles behave differently in this sort of weather; don't bolt out; wait for lights; wait for vehicles to come to complete stops as this may be much harder on ice). Let's all get home safely; I'm sure that each one of us has family that would miss us dearly.

Love each other; love yourself; and smile.

A New Year, No Resolution

Good afternoon to you all. It is a beautiful sunny day out here on the east coast of Canada and I'm inspired to write so here I am; and here you are. A few days ago, we all rang in the new year in our respective ways, in our respective places around the world. One of the traditions with New Year's Eve is to form a resolution that one intends to commit to in the coming year. I think it's time we lay this tradition to rest or at least start being honest about it.

I don't make New Year resolutions for my own reasons but one of the largest contributing factors is the set up for failure. Now I'm not going to blame the media or entertainment for this one, although they do help perpetuate it. No, the blame is mostly on ourselves. The biggest failure is the goals that we set for ourselves are usually ill-thought out or downright unattainable for one reason or another. This leads to a significant rise in the number of failed resolutions and because we fail so often at our resolutions it has become a part of the custom now too; to fail. It's an expectation we carry consciously or not and it is a direct result of our failure to accomplish or follow through.

I was going through my Twitter feed post-New Year and reading the many resolutions as well as the many cynical resolutions and what I came to realize is that we're not really setting realistic goals and I will explain why using some of the more common resolutions I come across. 

I'm going to get in shape/eat healthy/join a gym/exercise/lose weight.

By far this [these] is the most common resolution I think we decide upon each year. While keeping in mind this is a fantastic resolution, let's take a moment to really examine and think about it. What this resolution implies is that you are the opposite of this; that your current behavioral pattern and comfort zone do not include staying as fit and healthy as you want to be. So what we're talking about here isn't just doing these things, it is changing/adding behavior from outside our comfort zone.While the zest and zeal of the promise of a new year and positive change is inspiring, it requires will and determination once those expire; and they do for most of us within the first two weeks.

I'm going to quit smoking/drinking/drugs.

No you aren't. If any of these are a real problem in your life, or even if they aren't but you consider them habits they will not be solved overnight. A significant amount of will power, determination, control and support is required for a serious attempt at abandoning these habits. Like the first mentioned above, this resolution is unrealistic for most of us; we simply are not prepared for such a monumental change to our way of life. Habits, especially habits that can cause physical dependencies, are especially difficult to break. While I have known a small number of individuals who have accomplished this feat, they are few and far between and unique among the general masses.

I'm going to be nicer.

If there was a resolution that I dreamed people could stick to, this would be the one. It warms my heart to know so many people have at least the inward desire to be better people; it saddens me that most remain the same as this one is the most quickly forgotten. I am not saying that the people who make this resolution are bad to begin with, what I am saying is that this resolution in particular is difficult to stick with because it is often easily discouraged; especially in the world we find ourselves currently. When we decide to attempt to, again, change our behavior to be more thoughtful, kind and nice, we generally develop expectations of the results of this change. We expect people to notice, to show thanks, to return kindness and to be happy around you. Sadly, this is most often not the case. Many times people don't notice the simple kindnesses, they are ignorant or indifferent to it and some even become turned off by it and may return with negativity to your kindness.

These are just three of some of the most popular resolutions. I'm sure you may have even used one of these yourself before; I know I have more than once in my past. When you decide to make a life changing decision, you have to really want to commit to it. Just because you make it on New Year's Eve does not mean you will have any extra strength or ease to accomplish a previously unattainable goal.

If you haven't found the will necessary to accomplish any of these resolutions, chances are it isn't just going to arrive because you decided, out of custom, to change your lifestyle. This sort of change requires planning and commitment combined with attainable short and long term, measurable goals. You cannot commit to this sort of endeavor on the whim of one night because of tradition; you are setting yourself up for failure. Your best bet is to make a resolution to draft up a plan to accomplish your final goal. A step by step guide on how you see yourself getting to the actual goal; don't worry it can change as you go. Something that's more flexible will allow you to reach your ultimate goal without being setback by smaller failures.

I'm not trying to discourage any one of you from pursuing your resolutions, I fully support your efforts and hope you are able to follow through on them. If you're not one of those people, then don't give up on your change just yet. Take some time to re-examine just what it is you wanted and reflect on yourself (you know yourself better than anyone) and come up with something that might be more attainable; something small and short term. Once you get that done, go a little further. With each small accomplishment, you will gain confidence, feel better about yourself, what you are doing and reach your ultimate resolution much faster than not at all.

Remember, December 31st is just a day on a calendar. There are 364 other days on that calendar and they are all good days to make new life resolutions. Because isn't that what the whole tradition/custom is about? Getting rid of something negative or adopting something positive in our lives permanently? Changing who we are by adopting or abandoning behavior is, for the most part, not done on a whim; it takes time, planning and commitment. It also takes a few mistakes and failures. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day, and you should not expect to reach the end before you've even started. 

Thanks for reading and I wish you all the very best over the coming year and in attaining any goals you've set out to reach! Stay safe, love each other and always, always smile.

"You're too nice."

Greetings and salutations cyberspace! It's good to be back to writing again. With the last six months of my personal life being extremely busy with numerous endeavors and several struggles, I am finally happy to have life returned to a controlled chaos where I can squeeze in the occasional blog post as I move back towards full time writing. My first topic of this wonderful new phase in my life is a sentence that I have heard far too often over the course of my life: "You're too nice."

What does it mean to be too nice? How can you even be too nice? I've never quite understood exactly what was meant when being told this. It's been said to me, as mentioned, numerous times and under a variety of different circumstances. For example, I've lost partners who had only this very line as a reply to why things were ending. I was too nice for them...personally I think that that is nothing more than a cop out for someone who isn't mature or respectful enough to be honest.

Another popular context I get is when someone asks, or doesn't, for help and I offer what is needed and more. People generally tend to say it then, though I usually interpret it as a compliment in this case. I enjoy being kind and nice to others so when I hear them thank me and use this line as well, I reassure them quite sincerely that really, it wasn't so much nice as it was thoughtful; if I needed assistance under the same circumstances I would hope to receive the same kindness from others.

And then there is the third most popular one; again this one revolves more around relationships but are not limited to romantic ones. People who get mad at me, shy away from me, become bitter towards me or just generally bothered by my kindness and say it as an insult. This one, truly, I do not understand. Is it because you lack kindness in your life? Have you been hurt so often and so deep that there is no love left in your life at all? I really don't get it.

And that goes for every circumstance, except maybe the middle one, that this sentence is used. How can I be too nice? Would it be preferable to be indifferent, not care or extremely, be mean? Personally, you can go to hell if that is your solution and you can continue disliking me and my kindness for eternity; I like being nice. Have you any idea what the consequences are for being nice? No? Let me share just some of the many I've 'endured':

1) 'You saved me; I'd have been lost without you.'
2) 'I don't know how I would have gotten through this.'
3) 'You are an inspiration.'
4) 'I was about to give up but then I remembered how amazing and positive you are even when you are faced with bad things.'
5) 'Thank you.'
6) 'I just want to thank you for all your inspiration; it really helps me.'
7) 'I wish I could be as happy as you seem to be all the time.' (You can.)
8) 'Thank God there are still people like you.'
9) 'You are one of the strongest, optimistic and happy people I have ever met.'
10) 'You're a good person John. Don't stop.'

Now these might sound a little egoistic but they are not my words. I, like anyone, love to share accomplishments that are fulfilling to me but I try to stay away from arrogance and it should really be stressed that these are the words shared with me from the people I have done nice things for; nice things that I don't consider to be anything extra-ordinary but in a world full of fear, chaos, anger and hate, sometimes the ordinary becomes extra-ordinary.

I'm usually the first person to ask for forgiveness when making mistakes and I do my best to be the first to recognize my own; I also apologize for my mistakes. You will receive no apology from me here. I love being nice; I love the feeling others get from my kindness; I love that the people who've received my kindness are now more likely to extend kindness to someone else. In a sense I guess I see being nice as being the positive change for the future I want to see.

My life isn't perfect; far from it. I have mostly good days but I am only human like the rest of you. I get upset, I get angry, I get frustrated; I am hardly what one might called harmonized or balanced but I am happy. I am happy with myself; I love the person that I am. This is the secret, the big mystery behind why I am so kind:

I am...a nice person. Thanks for reading and may love and happiness be ever in your heart.