You Be The Judge...

Good morning readers! I hope that the morning has found you well and that you are enjoying what the world has to offer. Today I'm actually wondering about a situation that happened to me last night on the bus ride home and if I was justified in what I did. Of course I will explain it all for you to decide so let's get started.

I picked up an extra shift to help out at work on Saturday night. It was supposed to be a four to 12 shift but because I rely on transit and the routes end early on the weekends, my employer is kind enough to schedule me in 15 minutes early so I can leave on time to catch the bus. So I clocked out and walked to the bus stop to wait for my bus; the route 80. 

When it pulled up, on time I might add, I could see that it was full of people; which is fine. Before my foot hit the first step I could smell the repugnant odor of alcohol flowing out the door. The next sense to be offended was my poor ears which were greeted by the excessively loud conversation that is had between drunks. I know this all too well after working as a bouncer, waiter and bartender for a few years off an on. I know drunks and mostly they're harmless. These were the kind on the bus; annoying and obnoxious but otherwise harmless.

As I made my way onto the bus there were very few seats and I found myself sitting at the very back among a group out celebrating some young lady's 21st birthday. If you happen to be a follower of mine on Twitter you may have caught some of my Tweets from the ride home. The young fellow I found myself sitting next to, I was in the corner and he the middle at the very back, immediately struck up what I'm sure he thought was a thrilling conversation. Midway through, and without missing a beat, he leans forward and gives a wedgie to his friend sitting directly in front of us who is keeled over, semi-comatose trying his best to not get sick on the bus I'm sure. The good friend does this two more times before the girlfriend gives him a swipe.

This same young fellow proceeds to ask me to switch seats with him; he really needs to pee and he's going to do it in the corner sitting down while the bus is in motion. Well I will tell you, I didn't quite know what to do so I did the first thing that came to mind: I switched seats. Now this is where I start to feel a little uncomfortable. One drunk to my left deciding if he's going to piss on the bus; another very quiet drunk to my left who has begun rolling up his sleeves (it's cold out people!); an irritated and now moving extremely drunk in front of me; and surrounded at every other angle by more drunk people with these other ones.

So let's take a step back to me working in a bar. I have seen it all; and if I haven't someone I worked with has told me about their experience. When people are drunk they are not themselves and they behave in an entirely different manner than they otherwise would. Sometimes they exhibit behaviors you couldn't even imagine. One such oddity I've seen countless times is the ability of a drunk in a near comatose state to suddenly snap back to reality, still very much drunk but very much awake. Now this does not always result in something bad however if the last thing that person remembers is being annoyed or angry that is how they snap back and generally tend to seek out some form of justice; usually a verbal assault which can be followed by a physical assault.

I wasn't afraid of getting assaulted; I was sober and can carry myself quite well despite my stature. My concern was that I was alone and they were all together. So I took out my phone and I turned the camera on video, I didn't press record, but I had it ready sitting there. I had it ready in case the fine young gentleman in front of me now, where once sat his companion who was pulling up his underwear while he was ill, and my concern was that now that he was moving he would suddenly remember and it would be me he would find sitting there. Again, I was prepared but having no one to eye witness a potential confrontation on my behalf, I had my phone ready to be my eye-witness.

One of the lesser drunk ladies sitting to my forward right leaned over and began telling me to stop recording and that I shouldn't be doing that. I explained to her that I wasn't recording to which she claimed to have watched me. Now I am an honest man so it is of particular importance to me that people know this. I went so far as to even let her browse my phones Gallery to prove it which satisfied her. She went one step further to explain and say that her partner next to her had mentioned it and she had defended me at first but then questioned it herself. For the record I wasn't waving my phone around or anything; I just opened it up and held it in my hand. They were watching me I guess.

So the question is: was it the right thing to have my phone ready in case? I think it was. The fact that there were at least three people drinking quite heavily from their pop bottles (that lightly colored Pepsi must be a new flavor?) showed a complete lack of interest on behalf of the driver. Proven more so after one bottle went rolling down the aisle and someone else picked it up and yes, drank from it not knowing where it came from. As an aside, coma gentleman was kind of pushed off the bus by his girlfriend somewhere on Robie street so nothing did happen. 

Thanks for reading and curious about your thoughts. Love each other.

The News

The Newsroom Speech 4:44

Good day Cyberspace! I hope that the day has found you well and that you are making the most of it. I hope that you have taken a moment to watch the above video; it's only 4:44 long and it's extremely relative to the point I want to make today. That point? That "news" or "journalism" is no longer about informing the public, sharing information and educating the masses. No. It is all about fear, propaganda and useless dribble to keep us occupied.

I spend a lot of time on social media. I use the many popular platforms that most use to stay in touch and to stay informed. I use Twitter, Facebook, Google+, Blogspot, Wordpress, Foursquare, Tumblr and others less frequently that aren't worth mentioning. While my primary use is to stay connected to friends and family, it is also a great way to keep current on local, national and global events. I am saddened that each day it seems I waste more and more of my time on useless information.

I'm not just talking about those pinnacles of trash news TV like FOX or CNN; no I'm talking about almost every single publication and news media outlet there is. Nobody is willing to write the important stuff; no one is willing to step out of the crowd and go against the grain; no one is willing to be honest...or at least not many. Anytime there is a breaking news story these days it always seems that every news outlet is on the same page; why? Is there no one willing to offer an opinion that differs from the status quo?

I am sure there are many fine journalists out there with the greatest of integrity who are willing to ignore the slights, the slurs and the unpopularity of speaking out with some truth. I know they exist because I have met them. Locally there is one particular individual who, with every hard hitting investigative article, is not afraid to speak their truth; who is not afraid to rub the crowd the wrong way; who stands by their work and defends it yet is still humble enough to acknowledge mistakes. Tim Bousquet of The Coast, you are one of what I consider the few remaining true journalists and I applaud you. Another up and coming such journalist that I hope will maintain her integrity is Hilary Beaumont. 

But that's not enough. The news shouldn't be who Justin Bieber is dating today; what the sex of Kim Kardashian's baby will be; what Snooki's baby name should be; or anything at all to do with entertainment. The news is not entertainment; it is information (or supposed to be). The news is meant to engage and inform. It is to hold the people who sit in positions of authority, power and control responsible for their actions. The news is not an advertising agency nor is it a public relations firm for the government; the news is the defender of the people...or it's supposed to be.

So I read the news less and pay less attention to the feeds; not because I don't care or I'm apathetic but because so often now one article is the same as the next which is the same as the next, etc., etc., etc. I'm no journalist, I found that out the hard way when I took a shot at writing some stories, and that's OK by me but I do what news is; I do know what important news is and I don't see it all that much anymore. Jumping on a bandwagon is not news; reprinting the same information about the same story for days on end without anything new but opinion and speculation is not news; anything to do with Hollywood, also not news.

Journalism and news media are the real last line of defense for any group of citizens. The news is meant to be independent of influence and control because it is meant to be an agent for the people. An agent who carries one of the greatest responsibilities, perhaps greater than that of any government: to keep an informed and engaged public aware.

So if you didn't watch the video I strongly urge you to return to the top and watch it. This is the sort of honesty we need from our journalists and reporters. This is the type of brutal truths we need to start hearing as a public to be motivated and inspired to effect real positive change. Public apathy can be overcome and you, the news reporter, you have that power. 

Cigarettes

Good morning my friends! It's been a while but I have determined myself to get back to writing and while I have said this before, recent events in my life have left my but little choice but to "shit of get off the pot" as I have heard it put. Those recent events I spoke of forced changes in my life that significantly impacted my emotional and mental well being. As a result I have had to re-evaluate many of my future goals and plans and realized that I had ceased any efforts towards achieving them; my life existed in limbo and I suffered for it.

One of those goals I spoke of is to quit smoking. A little background on me as a smoker would help I suppose. I started smoking about the same time I started drinking: February of 1996. How do I remember that? I remember a lot of things for some reason; some things I'd rather not and others I would never want to do without. Regardless, I've been smoking for over 16 years now and let me tell you, I can tell that it has been that long.

In the last decade and a half since I took up smoking, I have tried to quit several times. I have gone a few hours to a few days to over a month without smoking but for some reason I keep coming back to those terrible cancer sticks. I've tried the patch; I've tried the gum; I've tried cold turkey; I've tried just about everything one can try and still find myself a smoker. Most recently, in February, I managed to wake up one morning and just stop smoking. That last a whopping 30 days and then one day I picked up a cigarette and I was once again a smoker.

I have given up a good number of highly addictive substances, most notably crack-cocaine and alcohol. It has been nearly a decade of being clean and I am quite proud of myself for having overcome such over-whelming obstacles and odds. I have climbed, rung by bloody rung, from the abyss and back into the light and yet cigarettes, they still hold authority over my will. It baffles me that I am strong enough for such struggles yet I am so powerless when it comes to the cigarettes.

I can feel the damage in my body. I can feel the bronchi in my lungs rattle every morning when I wake up and take a deep breath. I can feel the burning in my lungs when I run further than 15-20 feet or longer than 30 seconds or so. I can feel the light-headed and dizzy feeling that comes from shortness of breath. I struggle to catch my breath just breathing sometimes. I can clearly see the discoloration in my phlegm; it looks like ash some days, other days like diluted blood.

It's scary to be a smoker but oddly not scary enough to quit. I don't want to die of cancer. From what I've seen and what I've read it is extremely painful on every level: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. I am a strong individual but I do not want to test the limits of my determination and strength. I scorn myself daily for my disgusting and deadly habit but it does no good; or maybe it is readying me and I just don't know it. Either way, I wake up every morning wanting to quit and every night I go to bed telling myself that tomorrow is the day; tomorrow I can do this and then I can't. But I am not defeated.

On my last attempt I used social media to help me quit and I garnered quite a large amount of support; much of which I still have encouraging me to try again but it is difficult to do on social media even though it helped me find more success at quitting than I ever have. It's harder because there are more people to disappoint and while I do not depend on others for my happiness and self-worth per se, it is tough to have so much support and encouragement to simply end up back where I started. I feel guilty for making them believe I could do it when I couldn't. But I know they care and that it doesn't matter; I know I am loved and that those same people will be there when I'm ready to try again.

And I will try again....and again.....and again....until I accomplish my goal. I want to quit smoking and I will; it is simply a matter of time. Thanks for reading, thanks for caring and thanks for sharing. Love each other and keep smiling!