Good day my friends, followers and family. I am grateful that you've made it back for another entry in my An Ode To series. This month's entry goes out to a very special woman who has had a hold on my heart for nearly a decade. Although things did not turn out the way that I had hoped, I am more than grateful for having had the time I did with her. She is a rather private person and though I'm pretty sure she doesn't read my blog, if you are I hope you'll read it in a positive frame of mind. Thank you all for your continued support; it is appreciated more than you know. Now, without further adieu...
Dear Sarah,
I remember the first time I saw you; I'm sure you do too because I've told you about that night a million times over. I remember when you walked through the front door of that run down little house. You walked through the door and all around you there was this golden aura of light that enveloped your entire person. Never in my life had I been taken in by such a beautiful sight. In my heart and in my head I knew in that instant that I loved you; that I wanted you.
That's where it started and we both know where it has come and gone since then but these ode's are not about discussing our problems; this ode is about thanking you and showing you appreciation. I want to thank you Sarah, for letting me know what real love was like. I had been in love once before, and I stand by the statement that I did love her, but it was nothing in comparison to what I felt the first time I met you and each day since. Whether you knew it or not, you gave me a taste of something that so very few people actually get to experience in their lives: true love.
I want to let you know how grateful I am that you felt me good enough of a person to be involved in the raising of your daughter. Though I am not her father, she is one of the greatest joys I have ever known. To be part of shaping the mind and development of such an amazing and wonderful little girl has brought me an untold happiness. Should I never be fortunate enough to have children of my own I will feel no regret or sorrow in this as a part of me will live with her. She is one of the smartest and brightest little girls I have encountered and I say this without bias. She truly is a blessing and a miracle.
I want to take a moment to apologize to you as well for everything and anything I did that shouldn't have been. I have told you that I am satisfied that I did my best, and I am, but again, I want to say that I am sorry for not always acting my best. You are a beautiful, smart and amazing woman and you deserve every kindness and joy in the world. Life has not always been good to you but I am certain that the Universe has great things in store for you.
Though I am deeply saddened that I am not that true love for you, I do not carry that sadness on my shoulders. I cherish the memories we made together; good and bad. I re-live many of our happiest moments over again in my head and it brings me comfort. I know that some day I shall find a love who will feel the passion for me as I have for you; I just wish it had been you who shared that lasting passion. I regret nothing and hold in high value and praise every moment that I was blessed to stand side by side with you.
You, Sarah, are responsible for showing me what true love is even if you didn't know it. You gave me a chance to take on the role of parent with your daughter; trusting that I would teach her as you would. That is a trust that does not come along every day and I am more humbled than you know that you felt me worthy. There is more I could say but I think you understand by now: you were my whole world and even though you're not anymore, my world will go on shining brighter having loved you. You are a part of me, both of you, today, tomorrow and for every day that I will have left to live. I will always love you; both of you.
Some day, you'll find the feeling I found when I met you and you will understand how, over eight years I held you in my heart. I will always hold you in my heart wherever I go. I wish you every single joy you have imagined for yourself and your daughter; you deserve it.
Love,
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