Wednesday, January 2, 2013

"You're too nice."

Greetings and salutations cyberspace! It's good to be back to writing again. With the last six months of my personal life being extremely busy with numerous endeavors and several struggles, I am finally happy to have life returned to a controlled chaos where I can squeeze in the occasional blog post as I move back towards full time writing. My first topic of this wonderful new phase in my life is a sentence that I have heard far too often over the course of my life: "You're too nice."

What does it mean to be too nice? How can you even be too nice? I've never quite understood exactly what was meant when being told this. It's been said to me, as mentioned, numerous times and under a variety of different circumstances. For example, I've lost partners who had only this very line as a reply to why things were ending. I was too nice for them...personally I think that that is nothing more than a cop out for someone who isn't mature or respectful enough to be honest.

Another popular context I get is when someone asks, or doesn't, for help and I offer what is needed and more. People generally tend to say it then, though I usually interpret it as a compliment in this case. I enjoy being kind and nice to others so when I hear them thank me and use this line as well, I reassure them quite sincerely that really, it wasn't so much nice as it was thoughtful; if I needed assistance under the same circumstances I would hope to receive the same kindness from others.

And then there is the third most popular one; again this one revolves more around relationships but are not limited to romantic ones. People who get mad at me, shy away from me, become bitter towards me or just generally bothered by my kindness and say it as an insult. This one, truly, I do not understand. Is it because you lack kindness in your life? Have you been hurt so often and so deep that there is no love left in your life at all? I really don't get it.

And that goes for every circumstance, except maybe the middle one, that this sentence is used. How can I be too nice? Would it be preferable to be indifferent, not care or extremely, be mean? Personally, you can go to hell if that is your solution and you can continue disliking me and my kindness for eternity; I like being nice. Have you any idea what the consequences are for being nice? No? Let me share just some of the many I've 'endured':

1) 'You saved me; I'd have been lost without you.'
2) 'I don't know how I would have gotten through this.'
3) 'You are an inspiration.'
4) 'I was about to give up but then I remembered how amazing and positive you are even when you are faced with bad things.'
5) 'Thank you.'
6) 'I just want to thank you for all your inspiration; it really helps me.'
7) 'I wish I could be as happy as you seem to be all the time.' (You can.)
8) 'Thank God there are still people like you.'
9) 'You are one of the strongest, optimistic and happy people I have ever met.'
10) 'You're a good person John. Don't stop.'

Now these might sound a little egoistic but they are not my words. I, like anyone, love to share accomplishments that are fulfilling to me but I try to stay away from arrogance and it should really be stressed that these are the words shared with me from the people I have done nice things for; nice things that I don't consider to be anything extra-ordinary but in a world full of fear, chaos, anger and hate, sometimes the ordinary becomes extra-ordinary.

I'm usually the first person to ask for forgiveness when making mistakes and I do my best to be the first to recognize my own; I also apologize for my mistakes. You will receive no apology from me here. I love being nice; I love the feeling others get from my kindness; I love that the people who've received my kindness are now more likely to extend kindness to someone else. In a sense I guess I see being nice as being the positive change for the future I want to see.

My life isn't perfect; far from it. I have mostly good days but I am only human like the rest of you. I get upset, I get angry, I get frustrated; I am hardly what one might called harmonized or balanced but I am happy. I am happy with myself; I love the person that I am. This is the secret, the big mystery behind why I am so kind:

I am...a nice person. Thanks for reading and may love and happiness be ever in your heart.